The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
MIDGETS
????
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Panties = found
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
