for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
