Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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