If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
