The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
