just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The best revenge is premature balding
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
