Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
