I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
