I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
