you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
