Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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