bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
