I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Soap is not a condiment
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
