I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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