Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize