how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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