I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
