New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
