honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
