I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
