I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize