ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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