Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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