i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
