He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
