im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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