my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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