I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
