Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
