i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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