did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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