you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
