i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
why does every cop we meet know your name?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
