you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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