Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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