only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
