i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
