We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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