just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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