When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
