believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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