today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
