Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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