I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Randomize
