never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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