wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize