break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
