just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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