i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
