advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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