What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
