what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
