Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
