Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
