My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
