the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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