well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
