i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
