The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
