I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
