i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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