I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize