the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
