She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
