I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
