I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
