dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You've changed since you got that strap on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
