I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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