she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
