I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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