I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
