I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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