Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
