For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And then he peed in my hair
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