I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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